“How can I possibly
extend God’s love when I view half the human race as my enemy?” (p. 186) How
indeed? Julie Gorman answers this and many other questions in her latest book,
“What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About
Men”. She addresses ten different
lies we as women have believed about men, and set them down beside the truth of
God’s Word. Julie shines light into the
darkness of misunderstanding and reveals that men and women are different by
design, and that we are to be celebrated!
Please welcome Julie
Gorman to my Window as we talk about What
I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Men.
Julie, what was the genesis behind this
book? Why was it necessary – other than
being obedient to God – to write this?
The power of this book lays in transparency. God called me
to write the book with vulnerability and promised that as people read my
stories and the faulty paradigms and how he ran to rescue me, they would find
hope for their soul.
I love the way you clearly define
every lie of the enemy and clearly follow it with the truth that nullifies the
lie. How did you identify the lies that
seem to be at the root of a woman’s choice that sometimes leads her into a
relationship that isn’t God’s best for her?
Honestly, through a lot of heartache! I grew up in a family
where every abuse was present. My childhood abuse along with my teenage
promiscuity distorted my views of men. I swung on a pendulum that on one
extreme hoped for a knight in shining
armor to believing every man was a
pervert. Thankfully, God rescued me.
I thought I made those mistakes, by and large, because of my
past, but as I’ve counselled and coached women, I discovered even women brought
up in relatively healthy Christian homes shared similar struggles.
As women shared their stories, I discovered patterns. As I
considered those patterns, I knew the solutions God provided that set me free.
The book highlights those spiritual and practical truths.
Were the truths, the verses to
consider, the prayers, born in part out of your own healing? If not, what study or committed prayer
enabled you to be so specific as you countered each lie of the enemy?
ABSOLUTELY! Every part of this book reveals a powerful
liberating truth that permeates throughout every page. “Only God can satisfy
the longings of your soul and He loves you deeply, madly, and passionately.”
If you had to choose a lie that is
the most harmful, what would it be and why?
The most harmful lie is that “a man will validate our
worth.”
Every one of us, male or female, young or old, single or
married, search for significance; we desire to know someone completely and to
be fully known; we long to be loved unconditionally. The problem comes where we
allocate that affection. Until our needs are completely met, and this
‘God-Vacuum’ is filled, we risk the temptation of allowing other people or
things to define our worth. But, the truth is, only God can satisfy the
longings of our soul.
I believe God had me write this book because we desperately
need to know WHO HE is and WHO HE SAYS we are. When our identity rests in Him,
we enjoy relationship as He intended. Thus, each chapter provide moments for
reflection, thought provoking questions, and life-transforming content to help
readers identify their own faulty paradigms and the truths that will help set
them free.
Do you think that this book would
benefit those in premarital counseling? In what significant way?
Readers would say, yes! They constantly tell me “I wish I
had read this book before I was married.” The universal principles supplied
through each story and in each section of the book identify faulty thoughts
that sabotage relationships and each chapter provides solution to overcome
those lies. Obviously, if we can do that prior to marriage, it would allow us
the opportunity to enter into marriage as a whole person, ready to love our mate
as God intended.
Do you think this book would be
appropriate for group study? Or more
powerful as an individual study?
We have groups popping up all over the nation. As a matter
of fact, many are using the online videos that correlate with each chapter and
the online leader’s guide to facilitate their meetings. The dialogue taking
place in each group is powerful as women are mirroring the vulnerably found in
each chapter. The questions seem to
provide the opportunity for authentic reflection and growth.
“Transformation takes time. It requires my concentrated attention and
intentional actions. It is a result of
an ongoing process; it’s more than an event.”
This is one of MANY powerful statements found within the book’s
pages. Transformation, recovery, healing,
whatever name you use to define it, takes a lot of hard work! How did you get to the point where you could
realize this for yourself?
How can I encourage other to embrace this and not be intimidated by the
process?
MMMMM….that is a great question! Change rarely occurs in our
life until the pain of staying the same exceed the pain of change. Only in that
place of absolute desperation will TRUE surrender begin. To be transformed
means we willingly do what we need to do, not out of convenience but because
there is no other solution.
BUT…our hope comes in the truth that we are NOT alone in
this process. GOD loves us passionately and runs to rescue us. He reminds us
that though our past shapes us, it need not define us. He wastes nothing and as
we rest in Him, trusting in Him completely, we discover that our surrender
produces life!
“Until our needs are fully met in
our Creator, we may find ourselves tempted to worship His creation and thereby
sabotage our relationships…” (p. 230) Why
is it so hard to recognize when we’ve put the men in our lives in the place
meant for God alone?
Whew! Another great question! The difficult part of
relationships is that God designed us to desire connection. In the Garden, He
looks at Adam and says “it’s not good for man to be alone.” Our natural
tendency will be to desire GOD with skin on. They are tangible. They are
visually present. Thus, in order to keep God first, we have to be intentional.
We can know we have misplaced our affection when we begin to be defined by
other’s opinions or when our joy hinges on a man’s approval or the lack
thereof.
How has this book impacted your own
walk with Christ?
LOL! You should see my copy. I have pink highlights, orange
highlights, sections and quotes underlined. Places I’ve put stars by…It’s true!
Each noted section points to GOD’s LOVE for me! I know what He’s done for me. I
know how He has rescued me. So, as I read through the pages…they constantly
remind me of a love that has never abandoned or betrayed me! I fall more and
more in love with Christ as I read through the pages and remember how far he
ran to rescue me. I love HIM much, because I have been forgiven much!
How has it impacted your ministry?
I am so humbled by the transformation I continually hear
from readers. I love that people are writing and asking me to come speak. I am
thrilled that women all across the country are using this book as a study for
their small groups. I can’t wait to see how God fulfills what He promised me—
as women read through my story and realize how far God ran to rescue me, they
will find hope for their soul! What could be more fulfilling than that!
What closing words of encouragement
would you like to share with your readers?
First, thank you for taking time to read this interview.
Thank you Kim for the opportunity to share! But most important, I’d simply like
to share the central truth I mentioned earlier—a truth that permeates every
page of the book—a truth I believe GOD wants everyone to know—“Only HE can
satisfy the longing of your soul, and HE LOVES you deeply, madly, and
passionately!”
