A View from Julie Gorman's Window - What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Men! Join us!

“How can I possibly extend God’s love when I view half the human race as my enemy?” (p. 186) How indeed? Julie Gorman answers this and many other questions in her latest book, “What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Men”.  She addresses ten different lies we as women have believed about men, and set them down beside the truth of God’s Word.  Julie shines light into the darkness of misunderstanding and reveals that men and women are different by design, and that we are to be celebrated!

Please welcome Julie Gorman to my Window as we talk about What I Wish My Mother Had Told Me About Men.

Julie, what was the genesis behind this book?  Why was it necessary – other than being obedient to God – to write this?

The power of this book lays in transparency. God called me to write the book with vulnerability and promised that as people read my stories and the faulty paradigms and how he ran to rescue me, they would find hope for their soul.

I love the way you clearly define every lie of the enemy and clearly follow it with the truth that nullifies the lie.  How did you identify the lies that seem to be at the root of a woman’s choice that sometimes leads her into a relationship that isn’t God’s best for her?

Honestly, through a lot of heartache! I grew up in a family where every abuse was present. My childhood abuse along with my teenage promiscuity distorted my views of men. I swung on a pendulum that on one extreme hoped for a knight in shining armor to believing every man was a pervert. Thankfully, God rescued me.

I thought I made those mistakes, by and large, because of my past, but as I’ve counselled and coached women, I discovered even women brought up in relatively healthy Christian homes shared similar struggles.

As women shared their stories, I discovered patterns. As I considered those patterns, I knew the solutions God provided that set me free. The book highlights those spiritual and practical truths.

Were the truths, the verses to consider, the prayers, born in part out of your own healing?  If not, what study or committed prayer enabled you to be so specific as you countered each lie of the enemy?

ABSOLUTELY! Every part of this book reveals a powerful liberating truth that permeates throughout every page. “Only God can satisfy the longings of your soul and He loves you deeply, madly, and passionately.”

If you had to choose a lie that is the most harmful, what would it be and why?

The most harmful lie is that “a man will validate our worth.”

Every one of us, male or female, young or old, single or married, search for significance; we desire to know someone completely and to be fully known; we long to be loved unconditionally. The problem comes where we allocate that affection. Until our needs are completely met, and this ‘God-Vacuum’ is filled, we risk the temptation of allowing other people or things to define our worth. But, the truth is, only God can satisfy the longings of our soul.

I believe God had me write this book because we desperately need to know WHO HE is and WHO HE SAYS we are. When our identity rests in Him, we enjoy relationship as He intended. Thus, each chapter provide moments for reflection, thought provoking questions, and life-transforming content to help readers identify their own faulty paradigms and the truths that will help set them free.

Do you think that this book would benefit those in premarital counseling? In what significant way?

Readers would say, yes! They constantly tell me “I wish I had read this book before I was married.” The universal principles supplied through each story and in each section of the book identify faulty thoughts that sabotage relationships and each chapter provides solution to overcome those lies. Obviously, if we can do that prior to marriage, it would allow us the opportunity to enter into marriage as a whole person, ready to love our mate as God intended.

Do you think this book would be appropriate for group study?  Or more powerful as an individual study?

We have groups popping up all over the nation. As a matter of fact, many are using the online videos that correlate with each chapter and the online leader’s guide to facilitate their meetings. The dialogue taking place in each group is powerful as women are mirroring the vulnerably found in each chapter.  The questions seem to provide the opportunity for authentic reflection and growth.

“Transformation takes time.  It requires my concentrated attention and intentional actions.  It is a result of an ongoing process; it’s more than an event.”  This is one of MANY powerful statements found within the book’s pages.  Transformation, recovery, healing, whatever name you use to define it, takes a lot of hard work!  How did you get to the point where you could realize this for yourself?  

How can I encourage other to embrace this and not be intimidated by the process?

MMMMM….that is a great question! Change rarely occurs in our life until the pain of staying the same exceed the pain of change. Only in that place of absolute desperation will TRUE surrender begin. To be transformed means we willingly do what we need to do, not out of convenience but because there is no other solution.

BUT…our hope comes in the truth that we are NOT alone in this process. GOD loves us passionately and runs to rescue us. He reminds us that though our past shapes us, it need not define us. He wastes nothing and as we rest in Him, trusting in Him completely, we discover that our surrender produces life!

“Until our needs are fully met in our Creator, we may find ourselves tempted to worship His creation and thereby sabotage our relationships…”  (p. 230) Why is it so hard to recognize when we’ve put the men in our lives in the place meant for God alone?

Whew! Another great question! The difficult part of relationships is that God designed us to desire connection. In the Garden, He looks at Adam and says “it’s not good for man to be alone.” Our natural tendency will be to desire GOD with skin on. They are tangible. They are visually present. Thus, in order to keep God first, we have to be intentional. We can know we have misplaced our affection when we begin to be defined by other’s opinions or when our joy hinges on a man’s approval or the lack thereof.

How has this book impacted your own walk with Christ?

LOL! You should see my copy. I have pink highlights, orange highlights, sections and quotes underlined. Places I’ve put stars by…It’s true! Each noted section points to GOD’s LOVE for me! I know what He’s done for me. I know how He has rescued me. So, as I read through the pages…they constantly remind me of a love that has never abandoned or betrayed me! I fall more and more in love with Christ as I read through the pages and remember how far he ran to rescue me. I love HIM much, because I have been forgiven much!

How has it impacted your ministry?

I am so humbled by the transformation I continually hear from readers. I love that people are writing and asking me to come speak. I am thrilled that women all across the country are using this book as a study for their small groups. I can’t wait to see how God fulfills what He promised me— as women read through my story and realize how far God ran to rescue me, they will find hope for their soul! What could be more fulfilling than that!

What closing words of encouragement would you like to share with your readers?

First, thank you for taking time to read this interview. Thank you Kim for the opportunity to share! But most important, I’d simply like to share the central truth I mentioned earlier—a truth that permeates every page of the book—a truth I believe GOD wants everyone to know—“Only HE can satisfy the longing of your soul, and HE LOVES you deeply, madly, and passionately!”